The Month of February

2.1.23 - Wednesday
- It’s a brand new month! Not much has changed but I have better dating prospects now. Just gotta commit to my daily routines and stick to the two pillars of my life. The gym and photography. As long as those two things see an improvement I can be happy. I’m the fittest I’ve ever been and I want to get as strong as possible :)

- I talked to Zeri on the phone and got some advice for relationships; especially long-distance ones.
- Don’t dwell on the outcome; enjoy the company as is and the journey.
- Put in the time: make an effort to push as much face-to-face as possible.
- Play at her pace - It takes a while to build a relationship - let her warm up.
- The communication will ramp up - as it progresses the more inclined to talk.
Note: It is entirely possible that it won’t work out. Don’t pin all your hopes on this dream.
You’ll be alright either way.

2.3.23 - Thursday
- I need to be more diligent about going to bed by 10 p.m. Staying in to watch Lost of Us and playing a 40-minute custom game was irresponsible. I can’t call out sick days just because I slept in late. It’s not good for my career and messed up my schedule. Have to hold myself to this standard.

- Andrea invited me to her little house party with her family next Sunday. It’s cool she invited me into her space like that. I got to meet her sister and brother. Definitely have to make a good first impression. I was planning on getting her some flowers and a nice vase from Goodwill. That way it sits nicely in her house haha.

2.6.23 - Monday

- I feel bad for missing my dad’s birthday. I essentially slept through it. I guess I needed the sleep but Dad doesn’t deserve that. I’ll take him out to top golf to make up for it. I’ll check in to see if he wants to.

2.7.23 - Tuesday
- The all-nighter has gotten me feel fucked up this Tuesday. I was so late today, it’s unforgivable. I shouldn’t let this become the norm. All-nighters should be banned from my life lmao. I need some sort of sleep aid besides melatonin for me. Apparently, I’m being gamed by Andrea to keep me interested. Saturday will be the real test. Gotta do it right.

- I came to the realization today that this communication style I have with Andrea isn’t healthy for me. Sarah says I deserve better. Especially since she’s 2 hours away. It was a nice pipe dream but I really ought to take some emotional weight on one person. If you meet the right person, you’ll know. It’s too one-sided and it was really obvious when I was about to shower her family with gifts I couldn’t afford. Writing that out is a reality check.

- What I really need to focus on is what makes me, essentially me. I forgot my two mantras in life. Fitness + Photography. It makes me so unique and fulfilling. It brings joy and life. I can’t forget the person who took me here today. I’ve come so far last year, I owe it to myself to complete the video.

- Lean into your strengths and be more intentional on outings. Be more courageous because you owe it to yourself. You deserve a woman to love but you have to earn it. Keep fighting for the better version of you. Don’t let the flames blow out. This is your year to do it all. Everything you wanted.

2.8.23 - Wednesday
- Mom was right about not pinning all my hopes on one person. Should take her advice more seriously. Thankful for my team today. Arrived 40 minutes late. Not good! I guess life returns as usual. Need to work on my fundamentals again. The best return on investment is me for sure. I have to bet on myself.

2.9.23 - Thursday

- I need to manage my time during the day. Especially today when I only got six hours of sleep. I am so tired and it’s a pain being at work like this. It’s simply not optional.

- I ended up calling Andrea and she apologized for being so unresponsive. She wanted to throw that party badly but her parents were leaving Monday. She took up crocheting and made three shirts already and she has her head in the clouds. I’ll check in to see if she wants to hang out on Saturday but I won’t be too worried about it.

2.10.23 - Friday
- I ended up sleeping for 15 hours. Jeez, I need to manage my sleep better next week. Especially when I become a therapist. Do better. Be Better.

2.11.23 - Saturday
Needed a little break off

2.13.23 - Monday
- I was really upset with myself on Friday but I got to release some steam at the end of the night. Getting duped by that Rachel girl felt bad but at least I knew when to bail. I just have to maintain my pace and work on myself. Do things that make me happy :)

I definitely need to go through and update my website. It’s still barebones and has a lot of the stock photos on there. Definitely want to update my galleries, I have so much more content to play with now.

2.14.23 - Tuesday
- Oh man, I slept for a long time again. I wasn’t even that tired too. Those afternoon naps are deadly. Both times I tried it, I ended up sleeping through the evening. I guess I needed the sleep. I should also stay away from casual weed. It really does drain the urge to do anything productive. These habits need to be in place, by the time I attend grad school. Ain’t no way I’m flunking my first quarter.
- Email the admission coordinator and she said my app was turned in on time despite the official transcript not being delivered yet. On less headache there.

2.16.23 - Thursday
- I think I hit a depressive episode these last couple of days. I just kept sleeping and had no energy throughout the day. I can’t believe I skipped the gym 3 days in a row. My routine is slowly diminishing. I just had to realize I hit a low (also I am on day 3 of quitting vaping) so my vices are being taken away (for good reason). I’ll give myself the weekend to recover and get my schedule back on track.

2.19.23 - Sunday
- Took a crazy adventure to Shi Shi Beach and completed the annual pilgrimage to the Thumb Gods. The place was so pretty and exactly how I imagined it. It was nice for Ryan to see all these new places with me. What a legend. I also upped my roster from 0 to 3 in one weekend trip which is hella sick. It’s nice to have options now. Can’t wait to see what the rest of the year will look like :)

2.21.23 - Tuesday
- I had a really good weekend. It definitely lifted up my spirits. Coming home and relaxing after that adventure was peaceful and much needed. I got to go night righting with my newly installed lights. It was a fun adventure hanging out with Peter at 3 a.m. at night. We went riding for two hours. It was Pteter’s first time night riding through the five-mile drive.

- I met Lindsey for the first time yesterday. She’s pale and has pretty blue eyes. She has inklings of freckles on her face which she says comes out in the summer. She has a really pleasant smile, a dangerous combination. I was being pretty bold and went for a kiss and that paid off so well. I forgot how nice it is to be touched, she has really soft hands too which is nice. It’s crazy how fast we escalated compared to Andrea. Might just stick with Lindset since we live closer to each other. Her smile is really sweet. I’ll be seeing her again on Thursday. Let’s see how this will turn out.

2.22.23 - Wednesday
- I’m slipping on my gym habits. The biggest hurdle is the sleepy period after school. I went Lizard-brained yesterday and wasted 4 hours of my day resting. I also ended up skipping the gym the more league. Such a low-energy move. I need to be better than this. It’s the only time where I can commit fully. Let’s redefine myself this year.

2.23.23 - Thursday
- I went to the Portland airport through a big snowstorm. They shut down 1-5 and I barely made it out of PDX airport. It was a fun road trip with Devin and Lawrence. Even though it was sketchy, it was a lot of fun. I even got to see Jacob on the way back up. It’s always a good time with him. I got my date today with Lindsey. I’m excited and I hope it goes well.
- I downloaded Son's of the Forest. It would be nice to finally sit down and just vibe out to some video games. I got some beers for the occasion. It’ll be fun just to relax.

2.24.23 - Friday
- Played sons of the forest. The graphics are so pretty. The combat and characters are pretty well designed. It’ll be a lot of fun exploring ith Gex through the lands. Need to make a proper base to progress.
- Hunt out with Lindset and her roommates. They have such a lovely space at home. It was cool of them to welcome me to their home. I didn’t really connect with Lindset much but I guess I had to get the roommate; ‘s seal of approval.
- This dream I had two days ago is still burned into NY nubd, It was a crazy adventure dream but it ended when I was visualing my entire family sitting down praying for me. It instantly snapped me out of the dream. It made me feel really sad. I just say my little brother sitting there when he was young. My family is everything for me.
- I’m going to Portland tomorrow with Andrea and this is going to be the test to see if it’s worth courting her from now on. She’s hella cute but the communication style is brutally bad. I guess I’ll find out if it’s worth it. 2 hours are expensive and time-intensive.

2.27.22 - Monday
- I had a pretty restful weekend. I ended up canceling the trip to Portland with Andrea. She might be really pretty but I know it’s not gonna go anywhere. Saves me four hours of driving. My poor car has been through a lot and definitely needs an alternator replacement. I really gotta be diligent about driving less and trying to land more photo gigs. I do have a wedding next month that I could bring in serious cash. I think the figure is to go for $1,200. That money will bring me closer to zero debt. I did make some insane purchases. I got a brand new longboard and South Korean tickets. Big expenses for sure.

2.28.23 - Tuesday
- Wow, I really slept the whole day away yesterday. Sleeping right after school is a dangerous thing. If I were going to school, I would have missed class. I have to regulate this because I really needed time to work on my FAFSA form.